Thursday, June 15, 2006

Planus Interruptus

I called Sky back into my chamber. Within a moment she was there.

"Koma has launched the second wave of his attack. Now then, I have imprinted this disk with a significant amount of data on Joe Fixit and I want you - what's that on your face?"

Sky looked a bit confused. "There, on your cheek."

She walked over to the mirror and wiped off a bit of green goo. "This is the remains of Henchman's feeble attempt to intimidate us. His plot was terminated." Sky concentrated on the gunk on her fingers and it turned to dust.

"Impressive. Now then, back to my plan. I want you to become intimately familiar with the mind of Fixit. This is so you can emulate his -"

"Mangeto!!" a familar and annoying voice called from the doorway.

"I do not want to be disturbed, Toad!"

The troll bounced over to me anyway. I pulled one of the metal trim bars off the ceiling and wrapped it around him. I started to squeeze the air from his lungs.

"B-but Master (gasp!) a m-meme came (gasp!) in for you!"

Blast it! I released Toad and he collapsed to the ground. I put the beam back along the ceiling. Sweet thoughtful Sky had been sure to install a lot of extraneous metal around my base for me to use as I will.

I scooped up the meme and read it. Henchman. Now that AIM reject has gone too far. Once I've destroyed Fixit and the Martian Manhunter, he's next!

"Unfortunately, Sky, Henchman has tagged you too. Our plans will have to wait."

1. Other than yourself, pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win? A wise man once said, I think it was Genghis Khan, "It's not enough that I win, everyone else must lose."

2. What's your favorite color of Pink? The one that looks most like human blood.

3. What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls? I don't watch homo sapien entertainment.

4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child? Destroy it, along with all the other homo sapiens on the planet.

5. How many figures am I holding up? I don't know and I don't care.

6. Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop. Henchman shall not live to see another day.

7. What's wrong with this Meme? That it is a distraction from my brilliant plans.

8. Create your own question and answer it. How shall I kill Henchman? Very, very slowly.

9. What's your wrestler name? I have Sabertooth wrestle for me.

10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage? Don't be silly.

12. Are you the weakest link? Now you're just being an idiot.

13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here? An army of metallic robots? Please.

14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Why on Earth would I want to be anyone else? I am the ultimate pinnacle of evolution.

15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS? The best? None. The worst? Henchman. I don't even know who his sidekick is, but I know it's the worst, just because it's his.

16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think? As I already said, I do not watch homo sapien drivel.

17. Do you know who Lookwell! is? The more important question is, do I care? The answer is - no.

18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with. Gaia, Gaia and Gaia.

Now then, back to destroying Fixit and the Manhunter.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Plotting My Revenge

The time had come to honor my agreement with Captain Koma and eliminate his nemesis, the Martian Manhunter. Sky and I had finished relocating to our new ultra-deluxe secret base in the Hudson Valley. We had to relocate because that pesky X-Baby, Elixir, had managed to elude my crack security detail while Sky and I were on a homicidal rampage across the country.

In addition to destroying the Manhunter though, I also needed to extract revenge against Joe Fixit. That goon had dared to offend me by capturing my Sky and delivering her to Cyberdyne where she was almost killed. Oh yes, my revenge will be most vicious. What's more, I can kill two birds with one stone. Literally.

The first step in my master plan was to assess the strengths and weaknesses of my intended victims. The Martian Manhunter I had never heard of before. After some diligent searching, I found that he is actually from a parallel Earth. Or rather, a parallel Mars.

One obstacle to my plan is the Manhunter's apparent telepathic powers. Those always pose a problem when trying to be deceptive. Frontally, I have much experience getting around people with pesky psionic powers. Perhaps even more fortunately, I have an ally who is immune, mostly, to telepaths. I called Sky into my private chambers.

"Yes, Magneto?"

"Can you take the form of a man?"

"You have already asked me that," said. To prove her point this time, her body started to shimmer and changed in almost an instant into Charles Xavier, drab suit and all. I groaned playfully.

"That's fine, but can you broadcast thoughts such that a telepath could hear?"

"Of course. Why do you inquire?"

"Oh, just a little plan I have. Heh heh. Ha ha ha! Bbwwaaahhhhahahahaha!!!"

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Words of caution

I have been accompanying Sky on her cross-country trip to settle old scores against those who had wronger her lesser half. For a Terminator, as you can imagine, this involves a lot of killing, which I have no problem with, as long as the intended victim isn't me.

Before we left on our roadtrip of doom, Mystique had taken me aside. "She's going to kill you, you know," she told me.

"Come now, my dear. Sky and I have like minds. We want to purge this world of the dross. Man's time is over and if they won't accept it, then we will have to show them the door."

"But's that just her computer programming! She has no feelings or thoughts of her own!"

"First of all, the human mind is just a computer, albeit organic in nature. It can be programmed just as surely as a machine can. Look at what Xavier has done with his X-Babies."

"But Eric, do you really think she was sent back in time to just kill homo sapiens? That makes no sense. What difference would it make to the machines whether we are humans or mutants? They see organic life as their rivals, their enemies. They want to destroy us all!"

"You are being alarmist, Mystique. Sky is devoted to me. Especially now that she has her own organic components. She is part mutant. She is one of us!"

"You are blind, Eric! When she kills you don't come crying to me!"

At that Mystique stormed off on her heels. Such an emotional girl. Ah well. Back to the killing spree.
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