Saturday, January 07, 2006

Double Bah!!

I can't believe what that human miscreant did to me! Of course I'm talking about Jon the Intergalactic Boobie and his toady Hudson. And no, I am not going to link to your site.

There I was, minding my own business, doing a favor for a friend (what deed could be more noble in anyone's book?), when that human dullard slammed his ship right into me! Believe you me, I will be contacting my lawyers. And what's more, he left the scene of an accident, though it didn't really seem like much of an accident to me. That means I will be sure to let the local authorities know exactly what happened.

And did I mention that he is a mere human?


The indignity!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Amazing Mutant Race 2

Somehow that liberal hippie do-gooder, Xavier, talked me into letting the contestants in his little competition stay in Avalon and Genosha. Why I ever agreed to play host to those animals I will never know.

Well, I do have some clue actually. When Xavier first asked me I naturally refused. Then he brought up the two recent rescues of me he conducted. So I was in Federal Prision. So what? Yes, he managed to break me out. And he thinks I owe him for that? I could have gotten out on my own. I am one of the most powerful mutants on the planet, you know. And just for the record, Charles, extortion is not very heroic.

The players in this silly race stayed under my hospices for two nights. Did one of them thank me? Of course not. It was terrible. And most of them are mere humans! Except for that Yoda creature. I have no idea what he is. And Vegeta and Son Goku. No one normal could ever get their hair to look like that.

What I don't understand is, why do they even bother to call it a "mutant" race if most of the contestants aren't mutants? Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator? Is that title suppose to impress me? He's just a lowly human. I bet he's the next to go.

And don't get me started on Deadpool. He's like some kind of mutant wanna-be with the personality of Bugs Bunny. If you are Daffy Duck, then Bugs Bunny is incredibly annoying, believe me.

I for one was thrilled to see Deadpool eliminated. It was also tremendously satisfying to get to give Wolverine the boot, too. That pathetic worm doesn't deserve to be called a mutant. If not for his heeling power, he would have been dead a long, long time ago.

Now that Emma Frost and Selene are the last two mutants left in the race, they had better win. Hmmm. Perhaps I'll see if I can lend them some aid. Heh heh heh.
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